Don’t throw out the feedback with the feedback

Try this exercise with me:

Look around where you currently are and count 5 things that are red.

Now without taking your eyes from this article, can you remember how many things surrounding you that were yellow?

It is not easy to remember yellow is it?

That’s because you were thinking about red and you could not see yellow even though it was there.

Let’s say red is negative feedback and yellow is positive feedback.

Feedback can be both positive and negative depending on our mindset when we receive it. The important thing is to not be defined by the feedback that we receive.

It’s just as important to not reject the feedback outright. We must understand what we can learn from it - whether the lesson is a datapoint about how people perceive us or whether it is a datapoint about the feedback giver’s perspective, values or biases.

How can we take the good with the bad? Or know what to actually listen to? It is one part listening to the feedback with curiosity, one part listening to your intuition and one part iterating trial-and-error.

Listening to the feedback with curiosity

Asking questions is one of the best ways to learn about the world around you. When you see something you don't understand, ask about it. This shows that you are interested in learning more about the feedback and that you want to understand the person's perspective.

Be open-minded and don't take it personally. Even if you don't agree with the feedback, try to see things from the other person's perspective. The feedback is not a personal assault; and it says more about the feedback giver if it is. Even if the feedback crosses the line into defamation, know there is more to you than this feedback. Being curious, even here, can give you great insights into how others perceive you or places where you can grow (or even where to have more grace with the person that is just having a bad day).

Acknowledge the feedback. Let the person know that you heard what they said and that you are taking it into consideration. Whether you take the feedback seriously or not, this acknowledgement can go a long way building trust, which in the end will gain you more respect in future conversations.

Listening to your intuition

While this may not be the place to press your opinion, it is your place to state your professional reasons for making the decisions that you made. Defending your work through compassionate dialogue is not the same thing as proving that you are right.

Your gut truly (and scientifically) functions as your second brain and you know in your gut when you need to pursue an idea. You also know when to listen to others. Practicing paying attention to your intuition is like any other skill. If you continue to do it, it will become easier and clearer.

Iterating trial-and-error

I am a firm believer in data-driven decisions and there is no way better to obtain data than to test. I am also a firm believer that you can test anything… and I mean anything. Testing doesn’t have to be a 30-day, 20 person study. It can be simply getting reactions to a sketch or a conversation or an agenda. Feedback is data and iterating quickly can remove more of the “error” from trial-and-error, giving you educated data that can drive your decisions.

And sometimes you just don’t know the better option until you try. In feedback, like creative expression, there is no such thing as perfect. To chase perfection or to wait for the right answer isn’t helpful to anyone. You are better off starting so that you have more opportunities to gain feedback - good or bad - and learn from it to improve.

Taking the good with the bad (or the yellow with the red) is “the facts of life”, or so they say. Use the feedback to learn and grow. Feedback is an opportunity to learn and grow. Use it to make yourself better.